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And shockingly, a good portion of the process is not discussed. If you think that being pregnant is anything like what you’ve seen in the movies or heard from your friends or co-workers, you might be surprised to hear that normal uncomplicated pregnancies can suck. Eventually your doctor will clear you to wipe yourself again. You’ll be too bloody down there for it to really make a difference.

So I made a list of things no one tells you about pregnancy until you’re already sucked in. Every time you pee, you’ll want to jump into the shower to wash your unusable bloody sexy parts… even your bloody calves and ankles, too, at least for a few days.

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